By: Devon B. on September 1, 2006  |  Comments ()  |  Bookmark and Share
Analog Man can not live on DVD and Blu-ray alone. In this ongoing column we blow the dust off our VCR's and travel back to an ancient time where VHS tapes ruled the earth. Our mission? To re-discover those forgotten gems that are yet to receive the digitally enhanced 7.1 channel surround sound treatment...

Cover Art
Director: Michel Ricaud
Duration: 57 minutes
Country: France
Year: 1987
First up, I need to say that given the very nature of this film, I'm going to have to lay out most of the "plot." I don't know if reading about what's going to happen in the film will destroy your viewing pleasure, but if so, then stop reading after this blurb: La Dagyde Les Sexandroides is one crazy fucking movie; cheap as hell, and stupider than anything else you're likely to see…ever.

La Dagyde Les Sexandroides is the full name on the tape I had, but the film is normally just referred to as Sexandroide. This shot on video anthology was evidently made by a few French guys and their stripper girlfriends.

The first "story" is one of voodoo revenge. A scorned lover (I'm guessing) does voodoo with a girl's photo and some trinkets, so while she's at a bar, she begins to feel funny. She hightails it to the toilet, and then gets voodoo stripped; someone off camera pulls her clothes off achieves this effect. During this bit, the line "No…. uhhh…no…uhhh" has been overdubbed on the action, and continues being played for over 10 minutes. I guess the scene was too quite before? The ADR is very annoying, and no effort was made to synch up the new sound with what the girl did at the time of filming. Anyway, once she's been voodoo de-robed, she suffers some more traditional voodoo owies.

The second "story" involves a scared girl who wanders into a "dungeon." Some cloaked guy comes in breathing heavily (almost as annoying as the "no…uhhh" of before) and she shoots him. Keep this response in mind if you were ever planning to go for a run while in a Masonic robe in France, as it could become a deadly mistake on your part. The bullet doesn't kill the guy, but he wanders off. Our heroine finds a smoking skull, so naturally decides to get undressed. She plays with fire while scantily clad, rips off her underwear, does a fire dance, and then whips herself. Her fun is cut short when the guy returns, so she hides under a table in the corner – with her ass hanging out - and he reveals himself as a poorly made up zombie vampire (or something). He wins her over by showing her something that looks like a koosh ball hooked to a flower stem. He spanks her with the whip (hard!) then rips off her top, binds her, and proceeds to torture her. The torture is on mix of real piercings (of the nipples and breast), and really shitty gore. After a range of mutilation to her and himself, things work towards a happy ending. It's like a much happier version of The Devil's Experiment!

But the "highlight" is the small "musical" Les Dents de L'amour that makes up the final "story." A woman comes to the open casket funeral of her husband (?), who mustn't have been very popular, as she's the ONLY one there. They couldn't even get a priest, it seems. After a few minutes of her sitting 'round, he returns to life and rips her clothes off, but she helps him by staying still during the challenging bits. Once she's nude, he struggles to keep some plastic teeth in his mouth and bites her. He goes back to the coffin, but it's not done yet. She revives in slight ghoul makeup and sporting buckteeth and begins dancing to Tina Turner's "I Might've Been Queen" Most of the dance is the "ghoul" walking or crawling to or from the camera. The husband (?) occasionally leans up to leer at her. They didn't time this sequence right, 'cause the dance carries over into the next Turner song on Private Dancer, "What's Love Got to Do With It?" The dance climaxes with her heavily petting herself, then she climbs in coffin with him and they shut the lid. The end.

Sexandroide is a very rare film, but I'd be interested in procuring a copy with a clearer picture than the one I had. I doubt it will be legitimately released anytime soon, at least intact, as I can't imagine anyone involved took the time to acquire the rights to Turner's songs. The sound mix is horrid, but there's virtually no dialogue, and it's all unimportant because it all happens in the background of the bar in the first story (aside from "no…uhhh," that is).

The film is 57 minutes of naked French weirdness, which I suppose is ultimately a recommendation.
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