Horny House of Horror (2010)
By: Stuart Giesel on November 12, 2012 | Comments
Pinku Films | Region 4, PAL | 1.85:1 (16:9 enhanced) | Japanese DD 2.0 | 72 minutes (Full Specs)
The Movie
Cover Art
Credits
Director: Jun Tsugita
Starring: Saori Hara, Asami, Mint Suzuki, Yuya Ishikawa
Screenplay: Jun Tsugita
Country: Japan
External Links
IMDB Purchase YouTube
Sometimes all it takes to pique the interest is an awesome movie title, and here we have a fantastic one, "Horny House of Horror". Okay, it's a little more overt than I Spit On Your Grave and Last House On The Left. After all, the title pretty much spells out what this movie is about. There's a house, some horny stuff within, and a fair slice of horror.

The film begins on a high with an amusing cartoon-drawn vignette about modern-day fashion-health massage parlours which, it explains, are used to skirt Japan's anti-prostitution laws. Essentially, clients pick the girl of their choice and are aroused to climax through any means other than penetration. The massage parlour in Horny House Of Horror, as the title suggests, is as much about the horror as it is its horniness, as several unsuspecting victims find out. One poor sap has his dick done up sushi roll-style before being bitten off, and that's just the start of the horrors to come.

Into this den of barbarity - which is named "Shogun" - go three friends, one of whom is about to get married and who is a virgin. They're all baseball players, and the two friends of the guy who's getting married hate the fact that their friend will soon be stolen away from them and their team. So they figure they'll give him one final fun time at a parlour. And basically the rest of the film is about them enduring and trying to escape the parlour. One of the girls is new to the scene and doesn't appreciate all the bloodletting that's going on at Shogun so, guess what, she falls for the virgin baseball player and they try to make their escape together. Yep, that's it - extremely thin material stretched over a running time that barely manages 80 minutes.

The whole thing is preposterous, of course. It's never explained quite how the business expects to stay afloat when it dispatches its customers in horrendous ways. Also perplexing is the fact that it charges only three thousand Yen per "consultation" in the first place (that's about 36 Aussie dollars, by the way) and the ladies take an awfully long time actually getting to the deed - as a business model, Shogun is appalling. Yes, I know, you're not supposed to worry about little things like logic in a film like this, but honestly, Shogun would have closed shop long ago were it not for the involvement of a certain character later on in the film, which I guess sort of explains things.

For the most part, Horny House Of Horror is an entertaining if completely lightweight and silly film that at least is aware of its limitations and plays to them. One thing that really annoyed me about watching Helldriver recently was how far out of bounds it went - not in terms of plot or how bonkers it got, but with respect to its budget and creative ability. I appreciate a film for having vision, but when you don't have the resources to back it up the end product truly suffers as a result. Sometimes the best thing a filmmaker can do is acknowledge the limits of a particular shoot and embrace it. Thankfully, unlike Helldriver, it seems the makers of Horny House Of Horror understood their limits and made it work for them. Sets are cheap. So what? It's all set in a massage parlour. The actors are pretty dire. So what? The girls look good naked and it's not like they have to recite Shakespeare. More importantly, the budget seems to have been saved for the blood and gore effects. It's fair to say that Horny House Of Horror certainly isn't afraid to spill some claret - in fact, much of the bloodletting is reminiscent of the OTT blood sprays from the classic Japanese series Lone Wolf And Cub.

After all, that's what we're here for other than the sex (which is no more than your typical low budget direct-to-video softcore T n' A product). Most of the gore FX are done well, other than a totally absurd moment that involves eyeballs and some cheesy CGI. Gore and lame fight scenes aside, there are some pretty weird bits, like a wall with holes cut out where the girls stick their bums through, allowing the clientele to - in the words of the manager - "finger their butts" before they choose the girl they want. I guess you're meant to side with the three so-called 'heroes' of the story, or at least the one who's about to get married and is the less perverted of the trio, but by the end of the film it scarcely matters who's survived and who's been neutered. Performances barely rise above acceptable, although considering the script that they have to work with, the actors probably deserve more credit for making the ridiculous material work as well as it does.

Yes, for a film like Horny House Of Horror it's all about the journey and how much grue we viewers endure. The concept is stupid but, because it's mostly limited to one set, controllable, meaning technical aspects such as cinematography and makeup are quite good (although action choreography is not). It certainly doesn't outstay its welcome - including credits it just makes the 80 minute mark - but to be honest is pretty much forgettable. If it had pushed the sex or the gore quotients a little more it might have worked better.áFor this sort of thing, the film should have had more "ewwww" moments to balance the silliness.

At the end of the day it's hard to recommend Horny House of Horror anyone but direct-to-video J-horror devotees who like a bit of spice with their gore.
Video
Despite being low budget, direct-to-video shlock, the video is of surprisingly good quality, with rich colours used throughout, and a nice clean look that is, if anything, is a little too soft. No complaints here.
Audio
The Japanese 2.0 audio track is sufficient for what it is and the dialogue is clear, if a little tinny in a couple of scenes.
Extra Features
None to speak of.
The Verdict
Movie Score
Disc Score
Overall Score
Horny House of Horror promises a lot by virtue of its title alone, if not the lurid DVD box design, and delivers to an extent, making the most of a low budget and maintaining viewer interest with nudity, gore or stupidity, and at times all three. It's a cheap, sporadically entertaining blend of sex and horror, but ultimately forgettable. Probably best viewed with a generous serving of alcohol.

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