Bad Meat (2011)
By: J.R. McNamara on April 9, 2014 | Comments
Jinga Films | All Regions, NTSC | 1.78:1 (16:9 enhanced) | English DD 2.0 | 87 minutes (Full Specs)
The Movie
Cover Art
Credits
Director: Lulu Jarmen
Starring: Mark Pellegrino, Elisabeth Harnois, Dave Franco, Tahj Mowry, Jessica Parker Kennedy
Screenplay: Paul Gerstenberger
Country: Canada
Have you ever fallen asleep whilst watching a DVD, then woken up and wondered what the Hell was going on? We all have busy lifestyles, and once you've had a few vodkas, curled up on the lounge and gotten comfortable, it can be very easy to just doze off and wake up, not realising you have micro-slept for several minutes, and all of the sudden the film that made heaps of sense becomes a confusion ridden gumbo that one can't recover from until you hit the 'back chapter' button on your remote.

Unfortunately, occasionally, you haven't actually micro slept, and it's the film, and not you, that has lost its bearings.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the hot mess that is Bad Meat.

This film was written by Paul Gerstenberger, whose previous credit include one episode of the TV show Primeval (which I like, and I promise it is not due to the underwear clad appearances of S Club 7's Hannah Spearrit… um… of whose music I am unaware) and is a part of the writing team of another TV series House of Anubis, and all I can say is that when writing this movie, he was either deliberately attempting to not do a 'usual' zombie film or had just finished watching I Drink Your Blood. Once I get to the synopsis, you'll get what I mean.

Bad Meat tells of a severely injured person, of ambiguous sexuality, who is given a computer so they can recall the events that led to them being in hospital, and the tale they have to tell is horrifying!

Six youngsters have been sent to Camp Hardway to be rehabilitated. What they don't realise is that the warden, Doug Kendrew (Supernatural's Mark Pellegrino) is a Hitler loving nutbag who has in his employ three sexual deviate bullies. These guys don't just bully the kids though, they also bully the cook, who decides to get his revenge by poisoning them with… wait for it… Bad Meat. The problem with this meat though, is that after making them eject more vomit than I am sure a human body could even contain, they turn into lunatics who crave human flesh.

Not sure if they are zombies or not, so don't slip it into the 'zombie' subgenre just yet!!

And so the chase begins, but not before the kids have broken out of their dormitories, 'found' some weapons, prepared their escape and then… well nothing.

The film just stops. The final part of the film doesn't answer the question of who has survived, you just know that a couple of them definitely didn't… well you assume they didn't, as you really only see one definitely get his penis eaten.

Bad Meat is directed by Lulu Jarmen… what, you haven't heard of her? Well, actually, she doesn't exist, and instead is a pseudonym for Wrong Turn's director Rob Schmidt, whom I imagine tore his name from this film to avoid embarrassment. This isn't to say it was his fault though, but instead the fault of the original production company who stopped production of the film when it was almost finished, and honestly, I believe not finished, and just re-cut several years later to feign finished-ness.

What there is of this film has all the vomit and black humour of a Troma flick (and maybe even more dick jokes, not to mention a couple of blowjob, buttfucking and a 'two in the pink and one in the stink' joke), some quality acting and pretty slick direction which has all the fervour of the original Evil Dead.

Unfortunately, the story stops so suddenly that you get no real payoff. Apparently most of the cast had gone onto bigger and better things, and couldn't, or wouldn't, come back after several months off after production stalled in mid- 2008. So what happens is the set-up, the build-up and then… well, nothing. There is what appears to be a quickly shot bookend story which has possibly the most ambiguous survivor who recounts his/her tale of the events of the film, even though they couldn't have seen everything they are sharing as they aren't everywhere in this film. Oh, unless the sole survivor is God. We aren't even too sure that this person is the sole survivor as not even that is not made clear.

I could possibly also aim some criticism at the stereotypical characters, but realistically have trouble doing that with too much of a stern finger as it doesn't attempt to pretend it is anything other than a rollicking horror film, and I would then have to point at perennial favourites like the Friday the 13th series.

What a tragedy. A film I was enjoying ending with such a sudden, terribly conceived stop. This could have been another Wrong Turn… or at the very least another I Drink Your Blood. To say I am disappointed is an understatement.
The Disc
Audio and video are good for a low-budget film, with a clean, crisp picture and vivid colors, most notably the blood reds. Sound in clean as well, so you'll have no problem with the dialogue or effects.

Like the film itself, the disc feels unfinished, as there is no menu, and the 'extra', a trailer, appears about 2 minutes after the credits finish rolling. It's like a really bad copy you'd get in Bali.
The Verdict
Having a small bit of affection for I Drink Your Blood, I really wanted to like this, but it ends so abruptly that I really can't suggest anyone watches it unless they are a fan of vomit and nonsense.
Movie Score
Disc Score
Overall Score
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