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| Credits |
Director: John D. Lamond
Starring: Brigitta Almsron, Rettima Borer, Sandy Gore, Michael Cole
Screenplay: John D. Lamond
Country: Australia |
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The ABCs of Love and Sex: Australia Style is John D. Lamond's second feature. Lamond is the Australian director who initially gave us the amusing Australia After Dark, and later the giallo-ish Nightmares. Here, he decides to educate us on everything we need to know about love, sex and all their trappings.
Our film starts with a stop motion claymation bit where a teacher is preparing to show his class a documentary about human sexuality. I don't know why animation was chosen to start this film, but it gives it a creepy vibe as the subject matter throughout the film is not necessarily something a teacher would show a classroom unless he wanted to be sacked or was a paedo grooming them for the future.
The body of The ABCs of Love and Sex is just that: an exploration of human sexuality using the old school ABC primer idea to present its information. Oddly though, the juxtaposition of nudity, bondage, orgies and actual sex (though with no close ups of penetration or cumshots) with that 'primer' idea and kid-like blackboard introductions makes the whole thing feel sleazier than it should be, and a little awkward.
Now I appreciate that at the time this was probably very daring and sexy, and as a document of the time I probably shouldn't be so harsh, but the film is just not very entertaining. I felt like I was back in school doing MACOS (do kids still do Man: A Course Of Study anymore?) which bored me back then!!
There is a lot of tits, arse, cock and bush (and I when I say bush, I mean 70s BUSH!!!) and if you think you might be able to squeeze one out during the proceedings, any hope of maintaining a hard on or wide on are dashed by the irregular appearance of Swedish Sex expert Maj-Brith Bergström-Walan, a sight so horrifying I may never see my penis again!
I must admit I grinned at a couple of absolute 'what the fuck?!?' moments though: G is for Genitals sees a few models parading around and caressing a giant. like 5 ½ foot tall giant. fibreglass schlong; H is for Homosexuals felt like hilarious out-takes from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; and N is for Natural sees a leather clad John Michael Howson (yes, that John Michael Howson) chasing a hot chick around a bed and saying things like 'put some chocolate flavour on it and let him LICK it!'
Even though the film is lacklustre and somewhat of a let down, this disc really shines with the director's commentary, and is really only worth watching for that. |
