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| Credits |
Director: Jorg Ihle
Starring: Jewel Staite, Kellan Lutz, Justin Baldoni, Marc Bacher, Nikki Griffin
Screenplay: Jorg Ihle
Country: USA |
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The Forgotten Ones has evidently already been remade as The Lost Tribe. After completing The Forgotten Ones someone realised the movie was the cinematic equivalent of taking a big pile of shit and vigorously rubbing it into your eyes. Thus a remake was created, and while I haven't seen it, I can't imagine it's worse than The Forgotten Ones.
I was put off right away when I saw that The Forgotten Ones starred someone from the Twilight series. I've never seen Twilight, but I made it about 18 seconds into the Twilight wannabe Red Riding Hood, so feel I can safely say that Twilight is awful. My fears were not allayed when immediately after The Forgotten Ones' credits was a poorly written romance scene. I can't compare it to Twilight, but young relatives have made me sit through High School Musical and The Forgotten Ones' romantic elements reminded me of the romance from that tweeny pap. There's some sort of love triangle/rivalry thing going on for awhile, but it was stupid and I didn't care what happened or what was going on. The characters are quickly introduced and I instantly wanted them all dead, but no, instead they safely got on a boat and went to sea. Luckily their boat crashed, but unluckily they survive and the movie keeps going. The friends are on an island, stuck with the forgotten ones: thin, hairy, Rasta, Orc knock-offs. They start hunting the group and the film begins to borrow heavily from Wrong Turn, Congo, Predator and Lost.
Like when metal fell to glam, horror has fallen trying to please young girls. I'm not saying horror can't be great when geared towards people with two X chromosomes. Indeed the overly pro-religious but admittedly well made The Exorcist is a horror film that speaks to mothers. And Alien is essentially an outer space slasher built around a woman's fear of childbirth. And who could forget the totally feminine Nekromantik 2? No, I'm not against fright flicks for females, but I am against twaddle, or at least twaddle with shitty monsters and shitty everything else, too. When a movie is as bad as The Forgotten Ones I at least want to be able to laugh at it, but this craptacular feature isn't even funny. Lots of stuff doesn't make sense, but it's just not amusing. The film does have a sense of humour, but it's a stupid sense of humour. A girl farting while peeing? Wow, that's edgy comedy.
On top of not being funny, the movie is really tame. I think it'd probably be an R rating in the States, which might make it harder to see for the 11 year old girls that this is marketed towards, but this is one film where the parental advisory should be heeded because we don't need rot like this killing 11 year old girls' brain cells. |
