Actiongirls.com Volume 6 (2009)
By: Mr Intolerance on October 29, 2009  | 
DVD
Actiongirls.com (USA). All Regions, NTSC. 4:3. English DD 2.0. 85 minutes
The Movie
Cover Art
Credits
Director: Scotty JX
Starring: Veronica Zemanova, Kathy Lee, Kobe Kaige, Susana Spears, Julie, Lilian Tiger, Saint Adams, Hana Black, Jenny Poussin, Shannon Gibson, Nancy Lane
Screenplay: Scotty JX
Country: USA
External Links
Purchase IMDB YouTube
I don't think there'll be any surprises in this review. If you've been lurking around this website, you've probably got a fair idea of what the Actiongirls schtick is. If you haven't, I can sum it up briefly, or in more detail, if you prefer. Briefly: chicks with guns. In more detail: super-hot boobalicious nekkid chicks firing real guns in a supposedly post-apocalyptic wasteland. That's right kids, the bomb has dropped, we're all fucked, gangs of evil bikers roam the land looking for women to use as breeders to make more bikers, and the Actiongirls are the force for good who are fighting back. And by fighting back, I mean gyrating prettily for the camera in various states of fetish-gear undress to a heavy metal and industrial soundtrack, often oiled up and usually with frighteningly large boob-jobs.

I stated in my review for Actiongirls.com Volume 5 that I thought that something new needed to be offered by the series, and that I thought that it had lost its way a little. Oh, fuck off, I don't mean the storyline – there isn't one – but the "action" quotient was severely down in the last instalment, and the whole thing left me...well...bored. No, very bored. I'm hoping that Scotty JX has...ahem...raised the bar this time, because frankly, I thought that last time I could've spent my 85 minutes watching time a great deal more profitably on another film, titties or no. No, I don't think I'm asking too much, and yes, I like to look at boobs as much as the next person, but I did feel that last time out was just, well, less of the same and lacked any of the edge that the first few Actiongirls films had. It certainly lacked much of the gunplay, which along with the post-nuke premise was kind of the hook for the series in the first place. No, I'm not sitting here in fallout shelter with my AK-47 in one hand and my cock in the other, but when you establish a premise, you should stick to it – after all, they're meant to be Actiongirls, not Dancinggirls.

Anyway, the back cover of the DVD is promising the following tasty visual morsels for the discerning viewer: "Naked Super Nazi" (umm...), "Drunk Super Prostitute" (this is following the idea of the series, how?), "Heavy Metal Babes" (this is not looking promising), "Swamp Babes" (what?!), "Super Butt Shakedown" (oh, for fuck's sake), and "Bitches From Hell" (which from the title could be a montage of pictures of old girlfriends of mine). If that's the series of vignettes on offer, this may be the quickest review of all time. The whole reason I got into the Actiongirls things was for the chicks, sure – but it was also the post-apocayptic thing, and the guns. The setting and the situation was what sold me – okay this might be a little callous, but good-looking chicks taking their clothes off for the camera are a dime a dozen, and without the original premise of these films, I could get more bang for my buck from a Hustler video.

Well, I can't complain about the "Naked Super Nazi" in terms of the gunfire – a barely clad (do straps count as clothing?) Nancy Lane slinks about a disused industrial area wearing an SS officer's peaked cap firing off random weapons to an indsutrial soundtrack – the whole Actiongirls vibe summed up in four minutes. That's certainly a promising beginning, if a little flat-feeling. Oh, she's not flat – far from it, and unlike many of the women on display, she doesn't appear to have had a ridiculously over-sized boob-job (some of us fellas just ain't interested – remember that Sir Mix-A-Lot once told us: "Silicone parts are made for toys" - I agree), but it just seemed a little cursory to me. Even at this early stage of the film, I'm thinking that maybe this will be the last Actiongirls flick I review. Maybe it's time to pass the mantle on...

Enter: the "Drunk Super Prostitute" - Actiongirls regular Susana Spears wanders down a busy street somewhere in Eastern Europe (hey, wasn't this all meant to be post-apocalypse?) dressed as Supergirl, either acting at (presumably) or actually being drunk, and unnerving the passers-by. So, I'm watching soft-core now to see my favourite Actiongirl eat a hot-dog messily (if you're even thinking this is meant to be erotic, think about how erotic you'd look after fifteen beers trying to eat a kebab – thank you), and accost bystanders throwing ridiculous Superman shapes? This is poor, and remarkably pointless. Now she's riding a bicycle and interacting with a garbage bin. I never thought I'd ask this in a film whose main statement is "look at my boobs!", but why am I watching this? I think this was meant to be comedy, but if so, it failed.

Thankfully, we're brought back to the fold with Actiongirls newcomer Julie fighting back against the unseen biker gangs in a wasteland, clad in a see-through hot pink halter top, g-string and high-heels (that most practical of guerilla warfare footwear). I've just been glancing back through my previous Actiongirls reviews, and I notice that I've made lots of bold-as-brass statements about not caring about the lack of narrative (let's face it, it's not what we're here for), but I have also noticed that I've made many positive statements about gunfire and explosions and the post-apoc vibe on display. As the films have progressed that seems to have been altered somewhat, peaking in Actiongirls.com Volume 3 (still the best of the films at time of writing), starting to tail off sharply ever since – Julie dances about very nicely, but never does that big ol' gun get fired off even once. Matter of fact, three scenes in and Nancy Lane is the only one to unload, and some suspicious part of my mind wonders if that may have been footage shot around the time of Actiongirls: Soldiers of the Dead Volume 1, where she also portrayed a kick-arse gun-totin' Nazi bitch.

After a series of equally bland scenes we soon hit the nadir of the film, the "Swamp Babes". If you needed any further proof that the original premise had been ditched, this would be it. Three of the 'girls (long time Actiongirls alumni Susana Spears, Hana Black and Lilian Tiger who should all know better) basically prance around for far too long in a kind of fake Bayou setting (it's obviously a European forest, not the Everglades), swilling "moonshine", getting nekkid, lapdancing some old fella with the worst false teeth ever (although he seems to be having the time of his life – I don't blame him), having a bit of light-on lesbonic kiss and grope-work, and play to the camera. I'm poor white trash and fiercely proud of it, but this was just plain annoying. Guess it was meant to be funny, guess it failed. It had all the raw sex appeal of massaging your balls with a cattle-prod. And when we get to the part where they're chewing tobacco nekkid and having a tobacco-spitting competition...arousing? No, wait a minute, what's that other word? Ah yes: tedious. And frankly, off-putting. And this coming from a guy who used to smoke 40 unfiltered Camels a day – chewing tobacco is fucking disgusting; the end result is to make your smile look as though you'd just been part of the wedding feast in Salo – you know the scene I mean...

Thank fuck that's over. I'm actually looking at my watch. I'm looking at a film with nekkid ladies and attractive, hot ones at that, and I'm looking at my fercrissakes watch. That's not a good sign. And now we move into the "Super Butt Shakedown". Well, it must be said that newcomer Shannon Gibson certainly has some booty to be shaking – very impressive indeed – baby got back! (2 Sir Mix-A-Lot quotes in the one review must surely be some kind of record...no? Oh well) But, again, my problem is – what's it got to do with the original premise? That gun she's holding ain't gonna be in the picture too long for any other purpose than to waggle it about a bit before shaking that healthy butt (3 Mix-A-Lot references – I freely admit, I'm just doing this now to amuse myself, seeing as how the film has ceased to do so). It's very jiggly indeed (and surprisingly agile – she does some arse-cheek gymnastics I never thought possible. Talk about muscular control!), which is cool when you consider how the current body image for women is to have all the curves of an ironing board – when will women realise that women need curves – give me Raquel Welch or Sophia Loren at their prime any day over a Kate Moss or a Keira Knightley. Shape is attractive, straight up and down is how I drink tequila.

And so we move quickly back into "look, I've got a gun and now I don't, so look at my incredibly inflated boobs while I flail about to this metal song" territory. Ho-hum. And repeat. Oh, one of them actually fires off a couple of rounds! It's about sodding time... And then another dance to to the industrial track scene (these ones are all pretty quick, almost as if the director has worked out exactly how short our attention span is quickly becoming), where the 'girl spends an inordinate amount of time flipping her audience the bird. That's hardly a come-on. Am I watching Actiongirls, or Suicide Girls? The difference is quickly becoming negligible. Oh, some more hardware actually being used as more than a thing to prod nipples with, or stick in cleavage – sorry, too little, too late. A lacklustre display, and almost a parody of what made the series such an immediate success.

And for our final act, it's off to a strip-club full of skeevy old men watching 'girls get their kit off and doing the pole dancing thing – again, I keep wondering why I'm watching this instead of Suicide Girls, where at least the girls are given a little personality (although on a purely titty-show level, this one is at least more honest with none of that, "I'm acting like an obnoxious slut because it makes me more of a woman and I'm reclaiming my sexuality" vibe). And so "Drunk Super-Prostitute" Susana Spears turns up in her Supergirl outfit to show how things should be done, and to inject a little well-needed charisma into the proceedings – she's definitely not one of the increasingly faceless bimbos who've been filling the screen on this outing. But even my favourite Actiongirl couldn't resuscitate this train-wreck, especially not in comedy mode. Although she does look mighty fine dancing sweaty and nekkid around a pole...

The guns, it would appear, have rapidly been reduced to being non-firing props – except in the aforementioned opening scene. This, to me, is unfortunate. Once the scenes get moving, the guns are quickly dispensed with, and the dancing and stroking of boobs and removal of clothes (the girls', not mine) begins. Even if you're watching these films solely for the sexual content, even this is more lightweight than it used to be. To me this paired reduction makes the series faceless, and lacking the unique (if rather seemingly odd) angle it used to possess. The identity is gone. I used to look forward to an Actiongirls.com release (my editor and boss can attest to that, as much as to the fact of how much I used to champion these films). I don't anymore. Sorry to play the subjectivity card quite so strongly, but what somebody watches for their own titillation and delectation is obviously a very subjective thing (one man's meat is another's poison, after all), and there's something decidedly wrong when a company who used to provide porterhouse start serving up cyanide.

The Actiongirls focus has now shifted completely away from the "action" (whether the sleaze angle or the firearms) and has moved totally towards the "girls" - it was the balance between the two that made the first four films, and particularly number 3 stand out from the pack. I could basically be watching just about any other goth/fetish softcore loop and be as equally bored by that, and that to me is a crying shame.
Video
The picture quality's fine, sharp and clear – you certainly can't complain about that. Unless of course you don't like the full-screen aspect ratio, which is another backwards step as the previous two Actiongirls discs were in widescreen.
Audio
Thankfully, the makers of Actiongirls.com Volume 6 have again decided to use established bands on the soundtrack, or some at least with Soilwork, KMFDM and Amorphis (this choice surprised me – a Finnish death/doom band with a taste for detailing their homeland's mythology in their music seemed an odd selection given the usual Actiongirls vibe) feature, as well as Hanzel und Gretyl, The Heavy, Ayria and Crisk. The predominantly metal and industrial bent of the music, as well as all of the leather fetish gear in the film should give a good indication of the target audience.
Extra Features
As usual, the Extras package is less than impressive, but then I hardly think a "Making Of" featurette would be all that elucidating. Nope, you get trailers for Actiongirls.com Volume 5, Actiongirls.com Volume 6 and Actiongirls.com: Western Babes. Can't have everything, I guess – they give you a taste and then leave you hanging...
The Verdict
Movie Score
Disc Score
Overall Score
The law of diminishing returns has finally caught up with the Actiongirls franchise. This is a pale shadow of what was once all that was good. When the original premise was dumped, as it seemed to be on the last instalment, Actiongirls lost the aspect of itself that dragged it above the competition – this disc is proof positive of that. Now it just seems to be a bunch of lightweight shorts only vaguely reminiscent of the older films strung together with something that seems to be attempting to be dancing vanity reels for the girls, and laboured attempts at comedy. Maybe there were some legal or safety issues that stopped the boom-boom and bang-bang of the first few films, I don't know, but as the focus has shifted, so has my interest. I'd like to think that when the franchise first started, I was very much the target audience (and I'm pretty sure I was), but as the approach has watered down the initial premise of the series, my interest has gone very much the same way, unfortunately. I'm sure that Scotty JX is probably laughing all the way to the bank – his site gets over a million web-hits a day, after all, but it's a shame to see this once great idea lose its way. The film only gets a two-star rating simply for the rare feat of getting this many attractive nekkid women together in the one place at the one time.

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