Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)
By: J.R. McNamara on September 29, 2009  | 
Paramount (Australia). Region 4, PAL. 2.35:1 (16:9 enhanced). English DD 2.0. 82 minutes
The Movie
Cover Art
Director: Phil Claydon
Starring: Mathew Horne, James Cordon, Silvia Colloca, MyAnna Buring, Paul McGann
Screenplay: Paul Hupfield, Stewart Williams
Country: UK
External Links
Purchase IMDB YouTube
Straight up I have to comment on how much this film appeals to me. For one thing, it has three of my favourite horror elements in the title. Actually not just horror elements, but basic cinema elements. To be brutally honest, if the title of the film had been "Lesbian Vampire Killers Drink Beer and eat Pizza", I would have been in total hog Heaven! Even if the cover of the DVD hadn't been decorated with the choice (it has a reversible cover) of either three hot girls dancing or a gigantic cleavage, I still would have been keen. If the cover had just been brown paper with "Lesbian Vampire Killers" written on it I probably would have been keen.

To tell the truth, I may have, once before, bought a DVD in a brown paper wrap that said 'Lesbian' on the cover. But enough about me.

This film, directed by Phil Claydon, and written by Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams, is a funny affair with its roots firmly penetrated in English comedy, and a fair bit of love of the Hammer vampire films, An American Werewolf in London and Evil Dead 2 fairly apparent. The idea came from the writers who were challenged to come up with the best combination of horror staples in one story: they decided on nudity, vampires and lesbians.


Lesbian Vampire Killers tells the tales of a pair of mates, Jimmy (Mathew Horne) and Fletch (James Cordon) who decide to take a bit of a hiking holiday, mainly due to Jimmy being dumped (again) by his bitch girlfriend and also seeing as how Fletch has plenty of time on his hands after being sacked from his clown job after punching a kid... again.

They randomly choose to visit a small town, called Cragwich that has been cursed by an evil vampire named Carmilla (Silvia Colloca), a curse which causes every female in the town to turn into a Lesbian Vampire on their 18th birthday.

The two find themselves smack bang in the middle of it all when they are offered as sacrifices to the bloodsuckers, but Jimmy is actually the descendent of McLaren the Third, the original vampire killer himself from this very town itself!!

What a lucky coincidence!!

So, along with some hot chicks in a bus, and the local Vicar (Paul McGann) they do their best to stop the curse, and halt the evil forces of darkness. Will they succeed?

If you are sick of that Twilight and Anne Rice vampire stuff, this is definitely the antithesis of it. It also turns some of the conventions of traditional cinematic vampire elements on their head, particularly the wave of semen-type goo that sprays whenever one of the lesbian vampires is dispatched, but at the same time it respects Hammer iconography.... but still has fun with it. A scene shot through a mirror of the vicar apparently fighting himself is of particular high comedy value.

The film is also quite fun to watch, looking at times like The Spirit or Sin City, and at other having a traditional gothic style to it. In his commentary, the director refers on several occasions to the fact that graphic novels had an influence on the film.

Having commented on the great aspects of the film, I feel I must make a general comment on the one thing that disappointed me about this film. It seems that the 'comedy duo' now only ever consists of a sad bastard and annoying party jerk. Surely there are other stereotypes that can be explored., even within the mileau of horror comedy?

Now, if you think some of the 'comedy' elements I have attempted to inject this review with have been juvenile and childish, then avoid this film, it is NOT for you, but if you have snickered whenever I have said 'lesbian', 'roots', 'penetrated', 'dumped' or 'clown job', you'll absolutely love it.
This is an excellent image, presented in a 2.35:1 aspect ratio with 16:9 enhancement.
Only a Dolby Digital stereo presentation here I am afraid, but a flawless one.
Extra Features
Res-erection: Bringing LVK To Life is a look at the making of the film.

Audio Commentary with Director Phil Claydon  is a great one. The director has a great knowledge of cinematic history, and is a joy to listen to. He also really loves to talk about the influence on this film, everything from Scooby Doo to Evil Dead 2.

Webisodes features a series of vignettes that originally were presented on the LVK website. While they are just short snippets, they do show the male leads to be funny blokes.

Fletch-meister (Fletch's Words of Wisdom) is basically a collection of Fletch's best lines, some of which even American Pie's Stifler would blush at.

Whores of Fucking Hades (swear reel) is much like the Fletch-meister reel, but with just the cussing bits in it.

V V Brown – Crying Blood is a music filmclip of a song called Crying Blood... by V V Brown.

Lastly in the extras we have the trailer for the film.
The Verdict
Movie Score
Disc Score
Overall Score
The easy and lazy thing to do is to compare this to Shaun of the Dead, but while I am easy, I am not lazy, so I won't do that. I will however, compare it to Bloodbath at the House of Death, to which I felt it was similar in tone and look.... though it was a fair bit more vulgar. It's all tits and ass humour so those who appreciate highbrow fillums should steer clear, but me? Well I fucking loved it.

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