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| Credits |
Directors: Ana Clavell, James Glenn Dudelson
Starring:
Screenplay: Ana Clavell, James Glenn Dudelson, Scott Frazelle, Pablo C. Pappano, Alex Ugelow
Country: USA |
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Cinema can truly be a remarkable thing.
Now and again a film is made that has elements to it that are so profound that it can be life changing. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it is amazing. The first film to give me such an epiphany was Star Wars when I saw it as a 7 year old, and it confirmed my love of movies. The second time it happened to me was when I saw Re-Animator, and it made me a dedicated horror fan.
The more recent time it happened to me was earlier today. About one quarter of the way into this film I discovered God… and prayed that the film would finish as soon as possible, so I didn't have to endure it anymore.
As a reviewer for the wonderful website Digital Retribution I have been fortunate enough to watch some absolute corkers of films. Some I wouldn't have seen otherwise, but turned me around and got me to watch something out of my 'comfort zone', and then there are films like this, Crapshow… I am sorry, Creepshow III, that make me wonder what I did to be tortured so. Did I accidentally kill a dog? If so, I apologize, and hope this review is a warning to anyone who picks up this film, to buy, hire or even steal… DON'T do it!!!!
Those who have fond memories of Creepshow and Creepshow 2 need to be especially warned: this film has nothing to do with George Romero or Stephen King! Don't see the cover and think 'Well how bad could it be?' Really bad… actually it makes Cradle of Fear look like a well acted, highly respected cinematic marvel that all other films aspire to be.
Creepshow III wants to be the third in an anthology series based on the idea that the shorts come from a comic titled 'Creepshow'. Creepshow III has abandoned this idea and has instead linked the stories Sin City style, where casual observers in one story show up in another as the main characters. Tragically it doesn't work, as the time frame of some of the stories overlaps incorrectly and don't make sense, but that's what this movie is all about: not making much sense.
The film opens with a crappy piece of CG animation that a ten year old would be ashamed of making, and that really bears no relevance to the rest of the tale. It has a grungey 3D version of a South Park character mixed with a graffiti style that is just awful, and the less said about its inclusion, the better.
There are five tales in the film:
Alice tells of a bratty girl whose existence is threatened by a universal remote controller that really alters the universe.
The Radio is a story of a security guard whose brand new street vender purchased radio starts to tell him to do things, including killing.
Call Girl has us observe a prostitute who kills her johns… but has she met her match with her latest?
The Professor's Wife is a tale of a lonely old man, a university professor, who regularly plays practical jokes on his students, who finally finds a woman to marry. Problem is, she is too perfect! Has the Professor found a way to make the perfect artificial human? Two of his ex-students decide to find out!
The last tale is The Haunted Dog which has a drug addicted doctor haunted by a hobo who died after he gave him a dirty hotdog to eat… yes, you read that correctly (actually this feels so much like a bad copy of the 'The Hitch-hiker' story from an earlier Creepshow that it isn't funny).
You may ask if this film is B grade? Or D Grade? Or even Z grade? Actually they need to invent a new letter of the alphabet and put it AFTER Z to describe how horrible this film is! Some of the make up effects are OK, but the CGI is so bad, and it overwhelms the film SO much. Most of the acting is really quite horrid and a lot of the female cast look like they were all hired from the same gym: the female lead in the Call Girl story has such big calves that I felt like eating a chicken drumstick after watching her walk up a flight of stairs. |
