The Last Whorehouse on the Left (2004)
By: Devon B. on March 27, 2008  |  Comments  |  Bookmark and Share
DVD
VCA (USA). All Regions, NTSC. 4:3. English 2.0. 101 minutes
The Movie
Credits
Director: Fred J. Lincoln
Starring: Avy Lee Roth, Brodi, Keri Sable, Lisa Marie, Nadia Styles
Country: USA
I began reviewing horror/porn hybrids about a year ago for Digital Retribution. There have been a few winners that I've stumbled across, but on the whole, the movies focused on holes have left me feeling pretty blasé. While I was cataloguing a new batch of films I was thinking about reviewing, fellow Digital Retribution scribe Julian asked if I would cover The Last Whorehouse on the Left, saying it sounded like a quasi sequel to The Last House on the Left, but with porn. The disc was cheap, so I got it. At this point I would just like to say: Fuck you, Jules. Fuck you very much.

The Last Whorehouse on the Left starts with an intro by Weazel Padowski, and it really is Fred Lincoln who played Weasel in Last House on the Left. Evidently Fred went on to be a porn guy, but decided to cash in on his early cult status as Weasel by directing a film as Weazel. Anyway, Fred is talking to some porn stud who is supposedly looking at a bunch of women off screen, and advises him to always go to the last whore on the left. That's your ONLY connection to Last House on the Left. Last Whorehouse is just a porn clear and simple…oh, so simple. The premise is "What would happen if cut was never yelled on the set of horror movies?" The answer seems to be "The actresses would engage in routine sex with the actors." Fred pops up between each scene to do a wrap around to the next very loosely plotted romantic entanglement. At first there is a bit of a horror theme, using set ups like the shower scene or a stalking scenario. But by the time film got to the fire fighters, 'cause, you know, fire is scary, I'd had more than enough. Admittedly this was the only scene that was amusing, in the way only porn can be, because someone thought it would be a good idea to make the stars have sex in a burning room. That must've been uncomfortable.

I'd thought Last Whorehouse would be a porno take off of Last House on the Left, which really would be in poor taste, so maybe it's a good thing Last Whorehouse isn't what I expected. On the other hand, this is boring, and I hate being bored, so if it had used Last House on the Left as a starting point, maybe I could've at least been shocked and appalled…or pretended to be.
Video
Last Whorehouse is shot on video and presented full frame. Nothing splashy there.
Audio
The audio is a two-channel track. It's a little bit quiet. Again, nothing of note.
Extra Features
Extras are sparse, but this is a budget disc. There's a pic gallery; a star gallery; internet and phone sex ads; and trailers for Reality Sucks; Art School Sluts; and Misty Beethoven The Musical, which features a singing prick, and I don't mean Bono.
The Verdict
This is just a porn movie trying to get extra sales by targeting fans of cult cinema. Don't fall for that ploy, even if Julian recommends this movie to you, too.
Movie Score
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