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| Credits |
Directors John Carpenter; Don Conscarelli; John Landis; Stuart Gordon; Mick Garris; Lucky McKee
Tagline: The greatest minds in horror...
Country: USA |
I believe that horror does not belong on TV. There I said it. Over the years there have been many shows that profess to be television horror. From Werewolf to Monsters to Buffy to current soft effort Supernatural, horror on TV, to me, has always been a watered down version of the real thing - more teenage escapism fantasy than true horror. Most are weak and plotless - or in some cases over-plotted - messes that require an entire season to tell the full story, and are about as fearsome as the Phyllis Diller episodes of Scooby Doo, Where Are You?
Until cable TV show Masters of Horror came onto the scene.
Brainchild of director Mick Garris, the man responsible for Sleepwalkers and Critters 2, Masters of Horror is an anthology series akin to The Outer Limits or The Twilight Zone. Originally conceived as a direct to DVD series, Showtime eventually picked it up and the 13 episode cable series was born. Released individually by Anchor Bay in the United States, here in Australia the series has been divided into two 6 disc box sets, with unfortunately, Takahashi's Miike's Imprint being dumped from either set, mainly due to unfounded fears of it being refused classification by the OFLC. This episode was so notorious that Showtime in the USA actually decided not to air it, even though it fit within their guidelines that were given to the filmmakers. Mind you, Australian cable channels had no such problem with putting it into their line up.
For some reason, these sets have not been released as per episode order, but seemingly at random. Set one of series one contains the following films:
Cigarette Burns: What can be said about John Carpenter that hasn't been said before? No matter what cinematic crimes you may think he has committed (Ghosts of Mars for example), one has to remember that this is the guy who gave us Halloween, The Thing, The Fog… and Snake Plisskin! Cigarette Burns tells of a rare film hunter, Kirby Sweetman (Norman Reedus) who has been asked to track down a film called 'Le Fin Absolue Du Monde' by oddball obsessive collector Mr Bellinger (Udo Keir). The only time this film had ever been shown, the audience of the cinema went into a homicidal rage, but Kirby decides to search for it anyway, even though he begins to hallucinate and receive visits from his dead girlfriend Annie (Zara Taylor) as he gets closer to discovering it.
Carpenter picked a great cast for this one: Reedus plays the skittery ex addict with much aplomb, and Udo Keir… well is Udo Keir: cooler than cool, and he adds an austere presence to every scene he is in, which plays off Reedus' Sweetman character brilliantly.
Incident On and Off a Mountain Road: One of my favourite MoH episodes is this one, delivered to us by Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep's Don Conscarelli. It tells the tale of Ellen (Bree Turner) who runs her car into another on an abandoned mountain road where she is suddenly descended upon by Moonface (John De Santis), and a dangerous round of cat and mouse ensues… although this time with a difference as Ellen is no ordinary girl; she is one who has received survival and wilderness training from her husband (Ethan Embrey). This episode also stars Coscarelli stalwart, not to mention he is the God- damned Tall Man, Angus Scrimm, in a role completely different to what you are used to. This is a wilderness stalk and slash of the good ol' days and is as fun as it is action-packed… and Bree Turner is extremely easy on the eye.
Deer Woman: John Landis came as a surprise to me as being one of the Masters of Horror. Sure he directed An American Werewolf in London, which is nothing short of amazing, but he is also responsible for Coming to America, Animal House and, of course, The Blues Brothers. Master of Comedy? Hell Yeah. Master of Horror? I am not so sure…
Brian Benben plays uptight cop Dwight Faraday, who, with his partner Officer Reed (Anthony Griffith) are in charge of the animal attack investigation squad for a small mountain town. When a few men turn up dead, seemingly trampled by a deer, Faraday has an idea that maybe the local Native American legends of the spirit of women's anguish, The Deer Woman (Cinthia Moura) are not only real, but responsible.
There are a lot of problems with this episode, mainly in the choice of actors: Benben is OK, but Anthony Griffith is a different story. He may be a quality stand up comic, but here he sucks… big time! I would suggest that the special effects of the deer are right out of The Muppet Show, but I am sure Jim Henson would haunt me for the rest of my days if I suggested his company was responsible for these pieces of fur on sticks.
Dreams In The Witch House: Stuart Gordon takes the H.P. Lovecraft route (and who can blame him with his successes Re-Animator and From Beyond) to present us with this tale. University student Walter Gilman (Ezra Godden) takes up residence in a dingy flop house, which is all he can afford. Here he meets alluring and struggling young mother Frances (Chelah Horsdal), and starts to believe her son Walter may be in danger from someone who lives in the house… but is that someone him?
This episode is typical Gordon: he obviously has a lot of fun as he takes the sexually frustrated Lovecraftian source material and makes it a nymphomaniac, as he did with the aforementioned Re-animator. Great episode!
Chocolate: A plodding and meticulous episode, written and directed by series creator Mick Garris (and based on his short story), who also directed the Stephen King TV adaptations of The Stand and The Shining, tells of food technician Jamie (Henry Thomas), recently divorced and extremely lonely, who starts experiencing the feelings of a woman whom he has never met. The feelings become more intense, until, while under her spell, he witnesses her commit a murder, and then the experiences stop. And his obsession to meet her begins…
Garris is technically a good director, and this story is certainly an original idea that may have just been better with a different male lead, but after about ten minutes of Thomas' morose face, you feel like punching him. Matt Frewer has a small part in this, and, as usual, steals the show!!
Sick Girl: I am a massive proponent of Lucky McKee, being a fan of his films May and The Woods, but I think he dropped the ball on this one. Angela Bettis (from May) plays Ida Teeter, an entomologist who receives a strange package from Brazil that contains a never before seen species of insect. This bug bites her newest lover, the shy Misty (Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae) and her personality begins to change, becoming more outgoing… and murderous.
When you see a film where the best performance is by Z-movie queen you know you are in trouble. Erin Brown's performance in this film shines, whereas the normally great Bettis stinks like three day old fish… and the bug… let's just say there hasn't been as bad an insect special effect since the spiders in Lucio Fulci's The Beyond. This may have been McKee's tribute to B films and his addiction to dramas of the 40s, but to me it just was a great disappointment.
The episodes all vary in quality and quantity but they all deliver on a couple of points: boobs and blood! There is enough blood, violence and gore for the average horror fan, and some beautiful women, who don't mind showing you exactly what little girls are made of. Three cheers for cable television and its lack of morals... hip hip, hooray! |