Python (2000)
By: Devon B. on September 26, 2006  |  Comments  |  Bookmark and Share
Magna Pacific (Australia). Region 4, PAL. 4:3 English DD 2.0. 96 minutes
The Movie
Director: Richard Clabaugh
Starring: Casper Van Dien, Robert Englund, William Zabka, Dana Barron, Wil Wheaton, Jenny McCarthy
Screenplay: Chris Neal, Gary Hershberger, Paul J.M. Bogh
Music: Daniel J. Nielsen
Tagline: Sixty Feet of Pure Terror!
Country: USA
What's up with the bad CGI plane crashes in these giant snake movies? Maybe instead of showing these planes crashing, the director should just have actors explain what's happened? I'd much rather hear a story than see another goddamn computer generated plane. If I want videogame graphics, I will play a videogame, dammit!!!

In Python, a giant snake (I'm not sure where it came from or how it ended up in captivity) is on a plane that crashes. It's a hybrid snake, similar to the snake in King Kobra, with the remarkable ability to survive fiery plane wrecks. The snake eats a few people, and some different people try to kill it.

What's really scary in Python isn't the snake, it's Robert Englund once again trying to act. He gets called in by the guy who played Johnny in Starship Troopers (Casper Van Dien) when the reptile moves in on a town full of the usual group of people prone to do stupid things while in danger. Oh, the marvellous performances as Johnny and Freddy play off each other. The sheriff of the town in danger is played by Johnny from The Karate Kid. Hmmm…pattern? I thought Sheriff Johnny looked a lot older than those presented as his peers. My suspicions were confirmed when Sheriff Johnny got in a fight with one of them who obviously wasn't even old enough to have learned from Ralph Macchio (Johnny in The Outsiders) to just crane kick Sheriff Johnny's sorry ass.

There is some good humour in Python, like an attempt to fight off the snake with shampoo. The movie does get a bit slow at times, but the intentional humour was much better than I anticipated, and helped make a bad movie more enjoyable.

Hammy performances are aplenty, and those that aren't hammy are generally just bad. Some familiar faces can be seen, along with those mentioned prior. Also on hand are Jenny McCarthy, who's no doubt had many johns, and a pink/purple haired Wil Wheaton, who was no doubt one of them.

The actual CGI snake isn't too bad, but it hasn't been merged in properly with the other film elements, so it often looks like a bad blue screen effect. We do get more strange snake noises, more strange snake behaviour, more strange snake movements, and more wishing that the snake would get to certain cast members quicker (though McCarthy is thankfully short lived).
Python is presented at 1.33:1. The film has grain, as well as some spots, specks and dirt. The picture is pretty sharp, so it's like a really high quality VHS.
The audio track is a two-channel mix. It won't tax your stereo too much, but it's okay. Dialogue is clear and decipherable, and the sound FX and score are all at appropriate levels.
Extra Features
Does not having to rewind when the movie's over count?
The Verdict
I find it hard to not somewhat like a movie where the monster is built up as some unstoppable behemoth, and then the hero just kinda pushes it off himself with his bare hands. Why didn't everyone else do that? The DVD leaves a lot to be desired though.
Movie Score
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