Cover Art

Credits

Director: Tobe Hooper Starring: Denise Crosby, Dan Byrd, Stephanie Patton, Alexandra Adi, Rocky Marquette Screenplay: Jace Anderson, Adam Gierasch Country: USA

Not as bad an idea as actually watching Mortuary, though, because this movie is boring as all fuck and about as tense as a trip to a day spa. Like a fourth rate Six Feet Under, this banal film plods along destroying the brain cells of those unfortunate enough to encounter it. Mortuary is padded, with scenes that should take 30 seconds playing for three minutes. It also has terrible attempts at humour, some downright nonsensical and confusing, but then the the rest of the dialogue is idiotic, so at least the scriptwriter kept it 100% awful. Not only that, the character's tell you what to think, as in one 'gross out' sequence where the character involved actually says that it's 'so wrong' (it isn't THAT wrong, and having the character say that makes it more of a 'so annoying' situation).

Crosby's character is repeatedly so stupid, I am going to have to assume she's supposed to be an idiot. When her son has someone follow him in the graveyard adjacent to the house, she advises him it's a graveyard in a less than great area, so he should take a baseball bat when going out there. When he brings friends over, she shows them dead bodies, even wondering aloud if it's legal to do so. Plus, she bought the run down shithole in the first place. She also appears to have gotten her mortician's license via mail order, given the skills with which she performs the job.

To be fair, the film does have one good gag delivered by the police officer, and there is one shock scare that is well set up. But the rest of the movie is terrible.