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Santa's Slay (2005)
By: Devon Bertsch on June 22, 2006. 
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| Lionsgate (USA). Region 1, NTSC. 1.78:1 (16:9 enhanced). English DD 5.1, English DD 2.0. English, Spanish Subtitles. 77 minutes |
| The Movie |
| Cover Art |
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| Credits |
Director: David Steiman
Starring: Bill Goldberg,
Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp, Dave
Thomas, Saul Rubinek
Screenplay: David Steiman
Country: USA |
Santa's Slay begins with
a fun scene that's over the top and very silly.
This was intended to set the pace for the whole
film, and also to keep viewers guessing as to what
could happen next. In both regards, that attempt
was a failure. Once the main movie begins, you'll
know exactly what's going to happen, and often
when. Aside from the one completely implausible,
impossible (even within the movie's convoluted
reality) twist, that is.
Santa's Slay is the story
of Santa. No, not the loveable bowl full of jelly
we've all come to know and…know. Rather,
it seems, Santa is the son of Satan, hence the
similar letters. Santa has been distributing gifts
for the last millenium because he lost a bet,
but now the bet is off, and he's back. It's
up to a young, very annoying, man (Douglas Smith),
his would be girlfriend (Australian Emilie de
Ravin), and his eccentric grandfather (Robert
Culp) to save the day. For some reason Culp doesn't
think to ask his special red-suited buddy William
Katt to just come and kick Santa's ass.
Santa's Slay was written
and directed by David Steiman, who oddly seems
to only have realised the alphabetical similarity
of 'Santa' and 'Satan'
recently. I recall noticing that when I was, oh,
I dunno, eight. Not only that, he claims to be
a huge fan of Saturday Night Live,
and there was a very popular sketch featuring
Dana Carvey as The Church Lady where she pointed
out this similarity as well. Steiman is also friends
with Brett Ratner. When I saw Ratner's association
with the film, I did get a bit worried that the
film would not be all that it could, and my fear
was valid. Ratner's former fiancée
Rebecca Gayheart puts in an appearance, but fortunately
managed to avoid driving over and killing any
9-year old children while on set. Gayheart isn't
the only familiar face; there're quite a
few cameos to be found.
Santa's Slay is different
from most Santa slashers in that the 'real'
Santa is the slasher; it's not just some
guy who's pinched a red suit and run amok.
Santa has obviously been hitting the gym, as here
he's played by the rather large Bill Goldberg.
Santa also appears to have been watching wrestling
while in the North Pole, because a lot of his
fight moves look like they originated in the ring.
There is some poor continuity in the fight scenes,
but I don't think that's Goldberg's
fault.
Santa's Slay seems to
have been influenced by the exceptionally tame
and punch-pulling Bad Santa,
whereas everyone knows that the best Christmas
movie to be influenced by is the utterly brilliant The Ref. There are also obvious
influences from the Xmas Futurama episodes, but the film is rarely as funny. No, Santa's Slay has lots of
bad jokes and terrible puns. The movie IS funny,
but it's a tough call whether the humour
is intentional or not. Often, you just have to
go with 'so-bad-it's-funny,'
but there is some actual cleverness like the nod
to Rankin/Bass Productions.
The plot is really silly. The annoying (supposedly
cynical) lead instantly believes, with little
'proof,' not just in Santa, but that
he's evil. The movie also breaks rule number
one for any good horror film: Kill the worst actor
FIRST. No, our atrocious lead wanders around the
whole film, fucking up some good one-liners and
just giving the whole movie an air of suckiness.
The movie has odd ideas about screen time versus
real time, with several hours passing within minutes
of uninterrupted action. The whole thing culminates
with a curling finale so ridiculous, groan inducing,
and plot-hole making, I just hope it was done
for laughs. |
| Video |
| Santa's Slay is presented
at 1.85:1 in an anamorphic print. It's a new
movie, so the print is sharp and clean, though there
is some minor grain. |
| Audio |
| Audio is available in 5.1 and 2 channel mixes.
Again, this is a new movie, so the audio is clear
and crisp, with the 5.1 track giving a greater range
and depth of sound. |
| Extra Features |
| A few of the extras pop up on the menus like
Easter eggs (highly inappropriate for a Christmas
movie), but they're listed on the sleeve
and virtually impossible to miss, so I'll
treat them like normal extras.
There are three featurettes, roughly five minutes
in length each, covering the 'reindeer'
and sleigh, the fact that Santa's
Slay was Steiman's first movie,
and the casting. Ratner puts in an appearance
in these, and is still a knob-head. The only really
interesting one was the casting featurette.
The bloopers reel is actually an alternate version
of the credits, featuring an Animal House type epilogue and then the bloopers amidst the
credits. There are also deleted scenes, which
actually feature a few gags that should've
been left in, and the deleted scenes also have
the Animal House styled epilogue,
minus the bloopers.
Trailers for other Lions Gate Films are included.
The main extra is a commentary track, featuring
Steiman and producer Matthew Leonetti, Jr. The
track pats the cast's collective back, and
remains unengaging. The pair explains simple scenes
yet ignore plot holes, and I found the track rather
annoying at times. |
| The Verdict |
| Santa's Slay never tops
its opening scene, which is a shame. Whoever was
compiling the soundtrack also missed out on a few
perfect songs for the film, The Vandal's 'A
Gun For Christmas' and 'Nothing's
Going To Ruin My Holiday,' both from their
brilliant Oi To The World! release. The
film will make it on to my regular Christmas movie
rotation, but I still wish it had lived up to the
potential set in the opening sequence. |
| The Rating |
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| User Comments |
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