Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet (2005)
By: Devon B. on February 24, 2006  |  Comments  |  Bookmark and Share
ei Independent Cinema (USA). Region 1, NTSC. 4:3. English DD 2.0. 58 minutes
The Movie
Director: William Hellfire
Starring: Zoe Moonshine, Ruby LaRocca, Misty Mundae, Lily Tiger, Mia Copia
Screenplay: William Hellfire
Country: USA
I now have a tragic association with Misty Mundae. Whenever I see one of her movies, an altered version of an old song plays in my head, 'Just another Misty Mundae.' I'm not sure which is worse, seeing Mundae's latest movie, or having a Bangles tune in my head.

Despite being heavily featured on the cover, Misty is 5th wheel in Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet. The plot (?) involves a doctor (Zoe Moonshine) and her assistant (Ruby LaRocca) who have gone into outer space to remote view primitive lesbian cultures. I'm not sure why they have to go into space to watch the proceedings, but they did, via some space effects that are right up there with Playstation 1 graphics. Zoe is doing research on these primitive lesbian cultures to learn about their 'sexual preferences.' One might think that the adjective 'lesbian' would give a clear indication of their 'sexual preferences,' but clearly not. On the dinosaur planet, plenty of softcore heavy lesbian petting occurs, while Zoe and Ruby watch from space and eventually get it on themselves.

Zoe has learned to speak up since The Devil's Bloody Playthings (also directed by William Hellfire) but still can't act. Her Bloody Playthings co-star Ruby plays two parts in Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet, so everyone will have twice the opportunity to be icked out. The cave girls speak in grunts, which is good if you want to skim over the film without missing out on story. The dinosaurs look like those one might find in a fourth rate Gumby knockoff, and the fact that they fart doesn't make them seem more realistic. There's a scene with a dildo involving faked penetration, which really makes me wonder why this film's purveyors, Seduction Cinema, don't just branch out into hardcore. The most disturbing element in the movie is a moment where Zoe becomes disappointed that one girl isn't raped because the character may have been sexually repressed and needed assistance to really enjoy herself. Now there's some good moral value with your entertainment!

Despite only being 58 minutes long, Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet drags and drags. But hey, if you want to see drawn out scenes of girls eating fruit when taking breaks from eating each other…

The bonus feature, Bikini Goddesses is slightly longer at 80 minutes, but much less gruelling. Some guy who's supposed to be a teen but is clearly much older goes to a Greek resort his father runs. The 'teen' goes to an ancient ruin and awakens the goddesses, and the usual erotic nonsense occurs.

Produced and directed by the sometimes interesting David DeCoteau, Bikini Goddesses is far better than the leading feature, and even has a few amusing lines. There's still a huge amount of the softcore sex that was so popular in the direct to video market in the late 80s and early 90s, but this movie is at least mostly watchable.

Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet is presented at 1.33:1. The movie is shot on video, so there's the standard digital grain, along with some slightly blurred edges. Bikini Goddesses is presented in a cheap, shitty looking, grainy transfer that also suffers from artefacts. The film is in the correct ratio of 1.33:1, but this 16 millimetre production could've used some touching up.
Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet has a passable two channel mix, but Zoe is still very tough to understand as she fumbles over lines. Bikini Goddesses has a low mix, a bad score, and uneven sound levels.
Extra Features

As per usual with Seduction Cinema, there are heaps of trailers for their line of movies, and Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet's trailer can be found among them. There's a vintage peep loop, and a commentary from DeCoteau on Bikini Goddesses. That's a bit odd, because in every other respect it's the secondary movie. The commentary is actually pretty decent, and the only positive thing on the DVD. DeCoteau discusses the perils of low budget filmmaking in an engaging fashion. He also briefly touches on dealing with anti-homosexuality laws while shooting in Europe, which I found interesting.

The Verdict
If you're an obsessive fan of DeCoteau, this might be worth picking up super cheap, otherwise stay away. There's certainly not enough Misty Mundae for her fans to worry about this DVD, and since she seems to be the main selling point, I can't imagine anyone feeling compelled to own it.
Movie Score
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