Chained Girls/Daughters of Lesbos (1965/1968)
By: J.R. McNamara on December 26. 2005  |  Comments  |  Bookmark and Share
DVD
Siren Visual Entertainment (Australia). All Regions, NTSC. 4:3. English DD 2.0 Mono 121 minutes
The Movie
Credits
Director: Joseph P. Mawra/Peter Woodcock
Starring: Joel Holt/Sue Akers, Linda Boyce, Claudia Cheer, Uta Erickson
Screenplay: Joseph P. Mawra
Country: USA
The double threat of Chained Girls/Daughters of Lesbos is a hard pill to swallow. You read the back and know it is all about lesbians, which immediately makes you think 'soft core porn', and it being rated R and from Something Weird means there will be some nudity and maybe some sex, but then you watch it and the disappointment sets in. This DVD is about as erotic as monkey shit to an overworked zookeeper.

Chained Girls - Remember when you were at school, you had to sit through tedious Animal Kingdom videos that sent half the class to sleep…well imagine one of those about lesbians, but with the information dated and so generic and stereotypical that it is laughable. The voice-over guy sounds like a 50's news reader, and the subject is taken very seriously.

This particular short, running at about an hour, should have been called 'Everything You Wanted to Know about Lesbians but Were Afraid to Ask'. Never again will you hear the words 'dyke', 'butch' and 'bull-dyke' bandied about so frequently. Traces lesbianism from it's origins on the Isle of Lesbos and the ancient poet Sappho, to the seedy lesbian parties that take place in the American underbelly. With some of the most boring stock footage you will ever see, the first several minutes that describe what lesbianism is shows nothing but footage of skyscrapers…I guess there were some lesbians in them…they are EVERYWHERE you know! The main problem with this 'mockumentary' is that for something to be titillating, it needs to show a lot more tit.

By the way, this has some of the scariest looking mustached chicks you will EVER see!! Young girls who are reading this review, a warning, according to this short, lesbians are HIGHLY organized and want your tender young flesh…BEWARE!!!

The Daughters of Lesbos - Narrated by 'Dominique', The Daughters of Lesbos is a series of vignettes warning young lesbians about the cruelties of man, and the self discovery of lesbians. See…a lesbian drugged and raped by a man! See…a young ingénue try her vibrator for the first time! Set your alarm…so you can be woken up at the end of this disc. A pretty flimsy storyline with some hokey lounge music make for an odd nudie flick that seems awkward and clumsy, mainly due to the ridiculous voiceover. It is hard to describe this short film without making it sound more exiting than it is…this is DULL!!
Video
Various quality on the disc, from average right down to utter crap.
Audio
Clear but nothing special.
Extra Features
The special features here referred to as 'The Lair of the Lesbian' is divided into two sections: Sappho Shorts and Trailers. The Sappho shorts are a selection of short films; set to highly inappropriate music (Benny Hill would be proud of some of the selections), and of dubious quality due to their age and obvious amateur production. The trailers are, obviously trailers of films with a 'lesbian' theme to them.

Sappho Shorts

Lash of the Lesbian: A soft core porno short from the 30s with some lesbian S and M, for some reason accompanied by the tune 'Roll Out The Barrel'. Watch for the most awkward tongue kiss you will ever see.

Lesbian Apartment Party: Somebody's home video from what looks like the 50s of a lesbian party they once had, if not for the little bit of nudity, this short would have been as boring as hell, instead of just boring. The best way to describe this is that it is 13 minutes of my life I won't be getting back.

Lesbian Neighbours: Not like Neighbours at all. No sign of Harold or Izzy or any of your old favourites. Two lovely lesbians slowly convince their neighbour that she should undress for them…very slowly.

She-man Surprise: A swinger's party, a loose girl…the name gives away how this ends. Six minutes and sixteen seconds of ugly!!

Lesbian Bikers: Eight minutes and nineteen seconds of naked chicks on motorbikes…who cares if they are lesbians or not!!! It is intercut with a small bit of lesbian sex, one of whom looks really uncomfortable doing it.

Lesbian Coffin Sex: A 4 minute 51 second interview with a guy who organizes unusual sex experiences over footage of two chicks in a coffin…I kid you not!!

Let's Make Mary Moan: 3 minutes and 39 seconds worth of Bettie Page style spanking, probably from the late forties or early fifties.

Outdoor Lesbian Sex: Probably the sauciest of the vignettes, this 13 minute 56 second short shows some fairly explicit close ups, but still is light years away from today's hard core. Bring your vacuum cleaner though; there is heaps of carpet in this one…if you know what I mean.

This disc also has trailers for other sappho-centric movies such as: Chained Girls, The Cats, The Girl with the Hungry Eyes, The King, Make me a Woman, Sappho Darling, That Tender Touch, and The Wild Roots of Love.
The Verdict
Really a quaint look at the way homosexuality was perceived in times gone by, but, what was probably quite exciting and scandalous then, is seen on TV now almost every day. For collectors of this sort of thing only!
Movie Score
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