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| Roadshow (Australia). Region 4, PAL. 1.85:1 (16:9 enhanced). English DD 5.1, English DTS 5.1, English DD 2.0. English Subtitles. 87 minutes |
| The Movie |
| Cover Art |
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| Credits |
Director: James Isaac
Starring: Lexa Doig,
Kane Hodder, Chuck Campbell, Lisa Ryder, Peter
Mensah, Melyssa Ade
Screenplay: Todd Farmer
Country: USA |
Several years ago, a program arose on TV spun
off from Mad magazine. Mad TV wasn't any good,
but one sketch they did always struck me as very
funny. The sketch was Apollo the 13th, and was set
on a space ship that had more to worry about than
fuel problems: A hockey-masked maniac offing the
crew. Evidently, I wasn't the only person
who thought the sketch was good, because somehow
its premise worked itself into a feature length
film.
Jason X opens with Jason being
bound in some facility. I'm not sure how
they got the body, but the filmmakers probably
wanted to leave that unanswered so it can link
up to whatever instalment they want to make next.
Jason goes on a rampage in the facility (offing
David Cronenberg, in a bit part), and ends up
cryogenically frozen, along with the doctor who
had been working on him. The pair are resurrected
in the year 2455, but don't worry, there's
no difficulty understanding the children of the
future. I would think after four centuries people
might talk a little different than today, but
it seems language, and especially slang, stagnated
in the early 2000s. The people who talk like they're
400 years younger take Jason on their spaceship,
Grendel, a possible reference to the comic character
that may have inspired Jason's new look?
Jason is thought to be dead, but of course wakes
up, runs amok, and probably just wishes someone
would give him a hug to ease his internal pain.
He manages to rehash his rooftop fight from Jason
Takes Manhattan, where a skilled fighter
hits Jason a lot then gets obliterated, and Jason
goes on to kill a bunch of other people in unremarkable
fashion before he gets himself shot up. Jason
is than rebuilt by nanobots (I don't know
why, since he can body hop as shown in Jason
Goes To Hell) reminiscent of the nasty
pasty getting an upgrade in another Kane Hodder
film, Project: Metalbeast. I'm
not sure if this will be a new theme in Kane Hodder
films, but I find the very concept of Kane Hodder
films too frightening to give it much further
thought. Anyway, the doctor that is revived with
Jason is obviously superhuman, so they should
have just let her deal with him. I mean, she manages
to catch Jason's arm mid attack and hold
it back…she must be of at least comparable
strength to him!
The plot is gibberish. People still seem to be
able to merely cling onto something to prevent
being sucked into the vacuum of space. The acting
is flat or just plain stupid, no Kevin Bacons
here. There are a lot of stupid jokes, and there's
a robot included solely to rip off some of The
Matrix's style.
Jason X isn't all bad,
and I did laugh at a few of the jokes, especially
the virtual Crystal Lake satire. Jason
X also meets the series' requirement
of featuring a masked man killing people, but
I couldn't shake the sense that if I'd
been a lifelong Jason fan, I'd hate this
movie. I didn't mind it as much while watching
it, but I've decided just now that I hate
it. I really hate it. Why? Three letters: CGI.
If one fucking series should be continuing traditional
makeup effects, it's the fucking series
that built its entire success from traditional
makeup effects. There's no place for a CG
composite effect of frozen Jason severing an arm;
or for CG enhanced deaths such as the frozen face
smashing; and there is definitely no FUCKING PLACE
FOR BAD SPACE CGI IN A FUCKING FRIDAY FILM!!! |
| Video |
| The DVD presents the film at 1.85:1, and was the
first major studio film to be converted entirely
into a digital medium. As a result, the print is
spectacular. Depth, colour, and sharpness are all
excellent. |
| Audio |
| With the option of a DTS track, Dolby Digital
5.1 and Dolby 2.0, the sound is also extremely good.
I reviewed the Dolby Digital 5.1 mix, and found
it to be incredibly clear. The dialogue is all clear
and crisp, and the loud bangs of explosions and
gunfire are well represented. |
| Extra Features |
Jason X has quite a few extras.
The trailer is naturally included, as well as
a "Jump to a Death" feature which
is pointless since scene selection can pretty
much do that anyway. A short documentary called
The Many Lives of Jason doesn't offer up
much new information but isn't too bad.
At least it had Joe Bob Briggs. A "making
of" is included, but there must've
been some mix up, as these people seem to be describing
an entirely different film. I'd like to
see the film those people made because it sounded
good. It was "unpredictable," had
"good acting," was "very scary,"
and featured a villain named Überjason that
rivals Darth Vader in screen presence.
Also included is a commentary featuring the director,
the writer, and the producer. The commentary is
okay, but it's hard to listen to people
talking about Jason X in terms of quality. The
guys make some bad jokes while discussing things,
and the director comes across as a bit of a quirky
putz, but he's not too annoying….
though he is blamed for the film's terrible
"He's screwed" line, so he IS
annoying and I've just decided I hate him
too, now. The commentators discuss why the film
is in outer space, and disclose, presumably the
most horrific thing about the film for most Friday
fans aside from a possible sequel, that the MPAA
seemed to like their film. It's also revealed
they were trying to do something new; I guess
they missed that episode of Mad TV. And the endless
ads that ran for it with the Apollo the 13th sketch.
The commentators also seem to think that Jason's
scary because he just appears, and the fear of
him just popping up, seemingly impossible given
his last location, puts people on edge. I think
most horror fans just call that bad writing, and
the only way it gets 'em near the edge of
their seat is if they're about to fling
their popcorn at the screen in disgust. Eventually
an argument starts on the commentary, and one
guy is accused, albeit jokingly, of not even having
seen the previous Friday films. I was actually
wondering if any of them had. The commentary is
sometimes amusing, but pretty silly, just like
the movie. I might have liked it, and consequentially
the film, better if they'd explained what
the hell Jason was doing alive (or even done an
Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein and said
it doesn't matter why he's back, he just is) since this was the first sequel after Jason Goes To Hell, and how that
dude manages to fling himself across the void
of space to grab Jason. |
| The Verdict |
Honestly, I didn't mind the movie too much
when I watched it. Going in, I new it would be shit,
and it is. But I've now decided that I hate
it, and everyone should boycott it. Unless you haven't
seen it, in which case you should watch it so you
can agree with me about how sacrilegious it is to
have CGI so prominent in a Friday movie. The disc
is a true special edition of high quality, though,
so while I rate the film a 1, I give the DVD a 3.
Comment Script
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