Cover Art

Credits

Director: James Signorell Starring: Elvira, W. Morgan Sheppard, Daniel Greene, Susan Kellermann, Edie McClurg Screenplay: Sam Egan, John Paragon, Cassandra PetersonMusic: James B. Campbell Tagline:"Here comes elvira... there goes the neighbourhood!" Country: USA

The plot, which could have been right at home in any one of the B-Movies Elvira has trashed over the years, sees Elvira playing…Elvira, a struggling TV hostess who dreams of fame and fortune in Las Vegas. After an unfortunate groping incident involving the new station manager however, Elvira finds herself out of work and desperately seeking fifty thousand dollars to make her Vegas dreams a reality, but as luck would have it, the passing of a long lost Great Aunt presents a possible solution to all of her problems. Without giving it a second thought, Elvira packs hers bags and heads to the moralistic country town of Fallwell, Massachusetts to claim her slice of the inheritance, and of course, things do not go as planned. Instead of vast riches Elvira discoveries her inheritance amounts to no more then her Great Aunt's ramshackle home, a dog named Algonquin, and a family recipe book, which her crabby old uncle Vincent had his heart set on obtaining (Evidently, old Vinnie was not in the good books of the late great Aunt, and was completely shafted at the reading of the will).

So, with her monetary problems no closer to a resolution and her car temporarily out of action, Elvira is forced stay in Fallwell until she can sort herself out, which doesn't sit too well with the local morals committee (headed by the puritanical Chastity Pariah) since Elvira's outlandish appearance has attracted the attention of the towns long repressed youth population. The girls admire Elvira because she is strong, confident, and wears make-up, while the boys admire her because of her "Gazungas". Even a few of Fallwell's older denizens begin to take notice, forcing Chastity and her tight-arsed cronies into action before this "slimy slithering succubus" can cause irreparable damage to the towns delicately maintained moral fabric! And that's just the tip of the iceberg as far as Elvira's problems go. We soon learn that Elvira's inherited recipe book is in fact an ancient tome of spells, and the reason old Uncle Vinnie is so keen to get his hands on it is because he is a three hundred year old warlock looking for the power to commit all manner of evil atrocities! So our busty heroine is forced to: (A) Avoid being burned at the stake by the morals committee, (B) Do battle with an evil uncle, (C) Endure frequent breast references, and (D) Arrange a midnight screening of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and thus save the teenagers of Fallwell from a life of boredom and sexual inactivity.

The plot for Elvira, Mistress of the Dark is relatively simple and was probably knocked together in five minutes flat, but frankly, anyone looking for more than that has unrealistic expectations. This is a film about Elvira, and was made for fans of Elvira, so those who do not find her style of humour entertaining will undoubtedly want to avoid this one like a trip to the dentist's chair. Those who do enjoy her antics however are in for a moderately entertaining time as Elvira bounces around the screen in outfits that leave little to the imagination and delivers some incredibly corny dialogue with what could only be described as "dead-pan enthusiasm". Able assistance is provided by Edie McClurg as the formidable Chastity Pariah, and respected thespian W. Morgan Sheppard is fun to watch as the evil uncle since he plays out most of his scenes with an irritated "what the hell am I doing in a piece of shit like this?" look on his face. Sure, the jokes are lowbrow at best with double entendres aplenty ("Grab a tool and start banging") and more breast gags than any other film in history, but on the whole it is a relatively inoffensive family friendly flick which is low on logic but high on entertainment value. We may not get to see Elvira deliver an Oscar worthy performance, but we do get to see her break open a set of locked gates with her cleavage, fire a rocket launcher, kick a sleazy bowling alley patron in the nuts, and inadvertently turn a celebration of the towns high moral standards into a full-blown orgy after a revenge spell goes slightly off kilter, so at least the filmmakers have their priorities in order. The Vegas showgirl routine just before the closing credits (complete with a rapping Elvira!) was perhaps a bit too much, but by that stage my brain was functioning at limited capacity anyway so the damage was minimal.