Cover Art

Credits

Director: Paul Gray (Paul Grau) Starring: Robert O'Neal (Jose Gras), Laura Premica, Eric Falk Screenplay: John Woodhard and Paul Gray Music: E-Flat/Krokus Country: Spain/Switzerland AKA: Los Violadores

Just for the record, the plot, (or what of it there is), would go something like this. Hal and his girlfriend, while making their way home from a night out (cue cheesy disco-dancing scenes and bad clothes), have a run-in with a greebo biker gang (who ride dirt-bikes rather than Harley's), the unfortunate outcome of this little skirmish is that one of the scuzzy group ends up dead - it's not exactly Hal's fault I might add but, hey, someone has to take the blame I suppose. The bikers avenge their dead buddy by kicking the shit out of Hal and raping his girlfriend. Hal's not happy about this. Fortunately, one of his friends runs a kick-boxing school; so he ropes his chum, and some of the school's pupils, into gate-crashing the dead biker's funeral and giving the greasy crew a sound kicking in return (well they just push them around a bit and aim a few lame Kung-Fu kicks in their direction to be completely honest, but that's by-the-by.) Just for good measure, the leader of the biker gang has his dick cut off and fed to him - all shown in graphic detail for the viewers benefit. With me so far? Good. Now it's the bikers turn, with a lumbering neanderthal called Stiletto replacing No-Dick as gang leader, to hunt down Hal and do more bad shit to him. (So this is now a rape-revenge-revenge flick I guess...) Thanks to a tip-off from a young kid; Hal gets away by the skin of his teeth and scoots off to his parents place in the country, picking up a female hitchhiker along the way. Hal thinks he's safe but, resourceful bunch of throwbacks that they are, Stiletto's crew manage to find their way to Hal's parent's home and, since Hal is out in the countryside shagging his new girlfriend when they call, they decide to waste his parents and their servants instead - although, for some strange reason, they clear off before Hal shows up. So, in another devilish plot development, Hal has to, yet again, hunt them down and take his revenge (again.) That's about it, other than an insane 'plot twist' at the end of the film which I won't spoil, (not that I could even if I tried), but let's just stay that No-Dick isn't dead after all....

Original it may not be, but as far as sleazy entertainment value goes, you would be hard pushed to find a more entertaining and laugh-out-loud funny 77 minutes than this cheese classic. For a start, the English dub is the funniest I've heard in a long time, courtesy of which the 'memorable' lines come thick and fast, such as when one of the bikers is interrogating Hal's kick-boxing pal to find out Hal's whereabouts - 'Tell me or I swear I'll cut your neck off you dirty bastard', (so how exactly do you cut someone's neck off?) The bikers are an incredibly motley assortment, led by a bizarre character who looks like he's just been thrown out of the Village People and his sidekick, (the already introduced Stiletto), who simply stumbles from one act of carnage to the next, only pausing to point (and laugh like an escaped mental patient) at his latest handywork. You want nudity? Yep, that's present and correct as well. In fact the makers must be applauded for snagging some genuinely attractive young women for this film and, of course, they take full advantage by throwing gratuitous nude scenes and soft-focus sex scenes in at every opportunity, all accompanied by the obligatory cheesy saxophone score. There is a fair amount of (not especially graphic - but don't let that put you off) violence chucked into the mix as well, with the already mentioned dick-chopping, an impalement with garden shears, a disembowelment, numerous gunshots and explosions plus the incredibly tasteless murder of Hal's disabled mother, (she's blasted in the head point blank while sat in her wheelchair, causing her to roll across the room and slam into the far wall.) All of these sleazy proceedings are crammed into the fairly short run-time and wrapped up in the tackiest music score you will ever hear - bookended by two laughably bad heavy metal 'tunes' from corn-ball rockers, Krokus, which really have to be heard to be believed (I dare you to listen to the closing credits' tune and not piss yourself with laughter!) The people involved in the creation of this masterpiece have quite a few connections of the sleazy kind on their CVs - Robert O'Neal gets screentime in Bruno Mattei's wonderfully daft Hell Of The Living Dead and Eric Falk, who plays Stiletto, shows up in all kinds of cinematic abominations, Ilsa, The Wicked Warden and Barbed Wire Dolls to name but two. Dietrich has a huge catalogue of sleaze to his name - just swing by the IMDB if you don't believe me.