The Keeper (2009)
By: Devon B. on March 21, 2012  | 
Optimum (UK) | Region B | 1.85:1, 1080p | English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 | 94 minutes (Full Specs)
The Movie
Cover Art
Director: Keoni Waxman
Starring: Steven Seagal, Liezl Carstens, Aaron Shiver, Luce Rains, Stephan Duvall
Screenplay: Paul A. Birkett
Country: USA
External Links
IMDB Purchase YouTube
I used to think of Steven Seagal as a great action hero. I loved his movies back when they always seemed to have a silent "Steven Seagal is" in front of the titles like Above the Law, Marked for Death, Out for Justice and Hard to Kill. I lost interest in Stevie during the era where the silent "Steven Seagal is" got dropped, which I guess first happened technically with Under Siege 2, because Steven Seagal is Under Siege 2: Dark Territory doesn't really work as a title, though I honestly didn't mind that movie. Stevie's macho antics started to seem stupid to me, plus I was finding movies starring martial artists that were much cooler. Recently I've realised that while I may not think of Stevie as an action icon anymore, he may be the funniest movie star of all time. I decided it was time to venture back into the land of Seagal, and started with Steven Seagal is The Keeper, the first Stevie movie I've seen since Exit Wounds. I'd heard tale of Stevie's direct to video output, and was expecting a train wreck, and I did get a bit of shock when Stevie first appeared.

Looking like a bloated whale with a ridiculous hair piece, Stevie stars as an old, old, old out of shape cop who gets double crossed by his partner. Stevie goes to hospital, then trains up to get better so he can be an old, old, old out of shape body guard. His young guardee has a bit of an awkward crush on him (awkward in the sense that it makes the viewer feel awkward), and because a feature length film about a cradle robbing martial artist would be tedious and icky, Stevie allows plenty of opportunity for her to be kidnapped. Guess he wasn't so good at being a keeper after all. Once the plot is set up, which is a good ways into the film, Stevie tries to rescue the young woman.

Steven Seagal is The Keeper suffers from low production values, dragged even further down by some truly awful performances, and I'm not just talking about Stevie. The fights are pretty pathetic, with Stevie only exhibiting a few sad moves, but at least he wasn't too extensively doubled. Fortunately Stevie's megalomania has grown with this girth, and Steven Seagal is The Keeper features more of the ego trip that marked Stevie's best work. This movie is yet another comedic masterpiece, with hilarious plotting, staging and acting. In fact, the only time it's not a laugh riot is when it tries to be funny, which actually just makes the whole thing even funnier in a laughing-at not laughing-with kind of way.

As an action movie Steven Seagal is The Keeper is a great comedy.
At times the movie looks shot on video, and there are a few herky-jerky stutters, but mostly the transfer's okay. The print is clean, and sometimes there's a lot of detail, but this isn't exactly a wower picture wise.
There's a 5.1 DTS HD-Master Audio track or a 2.0 LPCM track to choose from. The sound can be robust, but uneven mixing made for some remote control lunges as I needed to quickly turn the volume up or down. Stevie isn't the clearest of speakers, so some of his dialog was lost when the volume was down. The mix seemed more stable on the 2.0 in the bits I listened to, but that track had no immersive quality.
Extra Features
The trailer!
The Verdict
Movie Score
Disc Score
Overall Score
The Keeper doesn't get the deluxe treatment by any means, but I can't imagine anyone's going to put much more effort into this one. If you're a long time Stevie fan this one is a long step down from the glory of Steven Seagal is Out For Justice, but I still got a lot of laughs from it.

comments powered by Disqus

>SHARK WEEK (2012) DVD Review

>DANGEROUS MEN (2005) Blu-ray Review

>UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (1992) Blu-ray Review

>THE LAST WARRIOR (2000) Blu-ray Review

>DIAMOND DOGS (2007) DVD Review

>BONE TOMAHAWK (2015) Blu-ray Review

>LET US PREY (2014) Blu-ray Review

>MACHETE (2010) Blu-ray Review

>THE MECHANIK (2005) Blu-ray Review

>DIRECT ACTION (2004) DVD Review

>NIGHTCRAWLER (2014) Blu-ray Review

>MOSQUITOMAN (2005) DVD Review

>CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST (1980) Blu-ray Review

>POLTERGEIST (2015) Blu-ray Review

>DRIVEN TO KILL (2009) Blu-ray Review

Post Apocalypse Discussion Forum
Waxwork Records by MaxTheSilent
Phantasm V??? by McSTIFF
Inside (└ l'intÚrieur) by MaxTheSilent
Red Christmas - new local horror by brett garten
Zack Snyder's JUSTICE LEAGUE (2017) by Rip
BLAIR WITCH (2016) by Dr. Obrero
12 Guests, 0 Users
Latest Comments
Last 20 Comments
Most Read Articles
CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST (1980) Blu-ray Review 1. CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST (1980) Blu-ray Review
POLTERGEIST (2015) Blu-ray Review 2. POLTERGEIST (2015) Blu-ray Review
MOSQUITOMAN (2005) DVD Review 3. MOSQUITOMAN (2005) DVD Review
DRIVEN TO KILL (2009) Blu-ray Review 4. DRIVEN TO KILL (2009) Blu-ray Review
NIGHTCRAWLER (2014) Blu-ray Review 5. NIGHTCRAWLER (2014) Blu-ray Review
Contact Us
Australian Horror News and Reviews
Digital Retribution aims to bring you the latest news and reviews from the local genre scene. If you see or hear something that might be of interest to our readers, please get in touch!

For promotional and advertising inquiries, feedback, requests, threats or anything else, visit our Contact Page.